"I want to say that this was a mistake... The hurt of right now wants to blame everything on mistakes.. on foolishness.. on selfishness... but I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself... I really did try the best that I could, even if they were mistakes. I have to keep telling myself that it’s not so wrong to hurt so much, that this is part of the process of things, and that the Lord has taught me a lot. And I have to hold on to the fact that there will be a better day... one in which I am not so broken... one in which I will be able to smile. It’s really hard believing that, especially since I’m so uncertain about the things that I used to be so sure about... things that I looked forward to, my motivation for pressing on.
Please Jesus, keep my eyes on You... even if all my other ideas and constructs fall, never let me go, because I’m terrified of where that leads... Please be my rock. If You strip me of all I have, please remain the rock upon which I am broken. May every one of my tears fall on you..."
