Hope does not disappoint..?

Broken relationships are so difficult.

From parents to friends… from one minute-long international phone calls where both parties end on a sour click to unresolved silences that stretch from days to months, they leave a feeling of, “All is not right here…”

Something is not right, and if we have fought to resist callousness, we notice that it makes everything else wrong. It makes so much sense to just do what everyone else does. It sounds so reasonable when a friend tells you that enough is enough because he’s just as tired of watching you thrash as you are of drowning. But as much sense as it makes, it doesn’t feel… right.

Cost-benefit asks, “Is it worth it? Is it worth it to keep going? Is it worth it to keep trying to make things ‘right’?” And I have to say, “Well, that depends on if I really believe that J-sus is about making things right between people.” “Is it worth it to make things right when you know you might be setting yourself up again?” I don’t know man. If I knew the answer I wouldn’t be having this damn conversation.

Love is an ideal. One that puts my realities to shame. But when I strive for it, I carry the feelings and thoughts that drag that ideal through dirt. I wonder if I’m just being a fool in the name of “faithfulness.” I try not to lie to myself. But that just makes my motives all the messier.