On an early morning far too crisp for May, I drove by my old pastor's house, surprised to find him bent over turning dirt in his front yard. There was a colorful little sign planted in the ground, staking claim to it as "Eileen's Garden".
Eileen, his faithful friend, companion and wife for so many years, got to see her Jesus recently.
What did God say, when the pastor begged Him to work a miracle and raise the dead? Which parts of his seminary textbooks and theology ran through his broken heart, washed in sorrow? What did all those sermons he preached on suffering and death mean now? What does God think, when we are on our knees, trying to change His mind with speechless tears?
I could only wonder what he was thinking as he squinted under the morning sun, what memories were being dug up, what loneliness was being buried as he breathed the perfume of compost under his shovel.
"You can spend your whole life working for something, just to have it taken away... There ain't no reason things are this way... that's how they always been and they intend to stay, I can't explain why we live this way, we do it every day... but love will come set me free, I do believe, love will come set me free, I know it will... " -Brett Dennen, Ain't No Reason
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