An Open Apology to My Sisters

There is guilt that comes along with being a guy. The guilt exists because of the recognition of what so many of my sisters go through... the burdens they carry in trying to achieve attractiveness according to society’s impossible standards, all because that’s what they think they need to be in order to be liked by people, including us “men,” who also agree with what we see on TV and magazines and pornography.

I feel guilty because I know what these images do to women... I can only imagine the feelings of inadequacy and personal dissatisfaction when they compare themselves against the 5’10” model that weighs 115 pounds. And yet, this is what we are trained to be attracted to. I feel guilty because as much as I desire to honor women, there is this dark part of me that has imbibed in objectifying them and dehumanizing them.

And we men... we so actively participate in it, with our words, who we give attention to, who we look at and smile at... how we cold shoulder those we consider to be unattractive.

We see the results of our sin, in women trying to win our approval with their bodies, in the process selling themselves as less than they are. My friends compliment each other on their thinness, or we in our naitivite, try to affirm women with, “On you look nice today!” all the while not knowing that those compliments are reinforcing destructive behaviors among themselves. We talk about personal worth apart from weight and attractiveness, yet that is how so many women, view themselves... that’s how we men view women.

All the while, we men... we sad excuses of brothers, are guilty as hell. I don’t even need to mention the rape, abuse or other sins we commit. It simply saddens me to watch modesty give way to skin, though it undeniably catches my eye. It’s hard to accept that the reason we find a girl physically attractive is because she cares so much about what other people think that she would throw up her last meal (or not eat it at all) to retain her size and shape. I feel as if my attraction silently condones and approves the ways in which women hurt themselves and are hurt by the world. I feel as if in recognizing the sin that runs in me, I cannot vehemently condemn it as it deserves because it crouches at my own door.

I want so badly to be a real blessing to women... to fight against the structures that chip away at their Imago Dei. Yet I participate so deeply in spoken and unspoken ways that oppress them.

I’m sorry sisters, for being such shitty brothers to you. Please show us grace. Please don’t give up on us. Christ is in the business of making us new, is He not?

I'm sorry that this is the most I can offer.